Saturday, July 22, 2006

Early 2002

A number of works had been damaged in the studio part of the apt. which was connected to the terrace where the toxic dust came in on the day of the attacks. My wall sculptures just started to fall off the walls - no matter what I did to secure them. It was like a message that my work (6 months worth) was not going to survive well and would have to be rebuilt - like the WTC. I still had a studio visit from the dealer though and I was optimistic - given the reaction from the show. When he came over he was quiet (not a good sign) he looked at everything and there was a little discussion but nothing more. When he left I knew I was fucked, I just felt it. He never said anything in the following months about the work but I knew he did'nt care for them. I talked to him and told him that I was starting over - He wrote me that he continued to be interested in my work and hoped that someday soon 'there would no longer be ashes in my area' that got me, I knew it was over . I had cultivated and worked on him for a number of years and now he was losing interest - and along with everything else, I cried - I was inwardly despondent. You have to realize the relationship of artists and dealers - one is dependent on the other but if the artist is not famous, the dealer has all the power. The dealer brings the work to the viewers, sells it - gets it seen.........completes the equation. It is a very important partnership. Art dealers are notoriously fickle, they know they have power over the artists they show and the artists they don't. They can string an artist along for years. Art is a business - just like everything else, sad to say - artists need money and attention and the dealer provides that. I knew what I had lost - the original spark of interest, the hope, even though it started out as a joke it did'nt end that way..........the joke was on me, the irony of it all was not lost on me. I decided to destroy all the work I had......and thats what I did, one years worth of time and work all thrown in the trash. It was soul killing and I'll never forget that event in my life that for me coinsided with the 9/11 attacks and has become one with them.

to be continued


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