Thursday, December 29, 2005

A sighting of ? at the beach after midnight......................
One night I went to the beach after midnight and parked my car, I walked along the dunes, their were many other guys, it was a moonless night so it was pitch dark. Everybody was just walking around and cruising as usual on a saturday night. The evening was calm and peaceful and as the night wore on it started to thin out of people until there was maybe 10-15 cars in the parking lot. At around 3am or so I was leaning aganst my car looking out to sea when I saw a bank of 4 large extremely bright lights (like headlights of a car) hovering over the ocean about 5 miles from shore. They moved up and down and side to side in formation as if they were connected by a structure which I could not see because of the profound dark. I asked the guy near me if he was seeing this also, he said yes. It seemed that everyone who was in that parking lot was seeing it and most of them began to get in their cars and drive away. There was something about those lights and how close they were to the top surface of the ocean and how they moved that told everyone there including myself that they could not be simply understood as a fishing or some other kind of late night operation. Myself and a few others watched it until it disapeared not very long after it started and then we all drove away. This was the summer of 1996.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

A terrible night in December...................
How ironic that difficult and challenging events in ones life happen without warning, with no way to prepare, rethink and take a different course. I've heard it said that success in life comes about through doing the right and the wrong, that EVERYTHING that happens however wonderful and terrible formed together creates the master template to LEARN about yourself and human life. I like most people have been on both sides, and I recgognize the wisdon of the saying. I have been guilty of disrespect and now find myself labeled as a TOXIC PERSON, it does not get any worse does it ? It has been said that as an intelligent, talented person, I have expected a certain whatever from life and have not recieved it, and therefore carry anger and suppressed rage (my words) toward and directed outward at people especially my family. I have to agree with this statement, and I find myself surprised and in a strange way relieved that it has been said and even impressed by those that say it. It seems they have hit a nerve, there is something to be said for using the events of your own life and others conclusions of it as therapy. It can save the cost of a shrink, who can and often are more screwed up than their patients. Doctor heal thyself. (I write from experience here!) But still having said this, and with true regret for my faults, I am more often than not complemented and seen as a sensitive, caring person by most people that have known me either professionally or personally, I have heard positive and glowing words spoken. But life is not so simple is it? Life takes it toll, ever more increasingly every year, and I find myself, having fallen between the cracks, forced to face the reality as I see it, even as others see my reality in their own way. I will say that I am sometimes surrounded by people who are ill equipped to understand the kind of person I am, and many don't seem to want to take the time needed to discover. Everyone is so busy and see to their own needs first, this is the modern condition of life today, its a sad world. I have devoted my life to bringing art and light to others and know what I'm here to do, I make the lives of other people better, always have, always will. I fight the demons of doubt and fear brought on by outside perceptions of me, I have fought rejection like millions of others, I have survived and believe

Its not over till its over