Why else would I do this? This will be a diary, because I'm too lazy to do it on paper. There are many thoughts and dreams, insights and observations in this life, the life of a person who has lived 50 years, yeah half a century. But where to begin ? Everything that will be written here is true.

I took a walk one day in my town which led me to an overpass under which I had to walk to continue on my way. It was a day full of full spectrum light ,the kind of day one wishes for, when I reached the point under the overpass I looked down and saw on the ground the body of a cat, in a moment I realized it had no head, my natural inclination was to look away as I am an animal lover and do avoid even seeing things that I know will depress me. but on this occasion I did look long enough to register the horror of it, a few steps onward there was the head. It was like when you feel a goulish facination when you see something out of your ordinary life ie a car wreck etc. I soon realized this was no ordinary road kill, the head had been cleanly sliced off the body, and I could see all the nerves and tubes , the very essence of organic life in cross section. It's face was calm with it's eyes closed, which bothered me, because I new I was looking at a murder scene. I walked on somehow using my ability to block out reality which I have had since I was roughly 40, but practiced with great success since 9/11 (more on 9/11 later) The rest of my day was uneventful. That evening the image came back to me, and It seemed that all the sadness and tribulation in this world was crystalized and symbolized in the image of that poor little soul whose life was unfairly and violently taken. And I had built up an armor/ammunity to horror and terror such that I was powerless to do anything to help that life, not even to call the city to have it taken away.

17 Nov 05